Wow. It's been a while since I posted. Life gets so busy and has a way of passing us by when we aren't looking.
Since the last time I posted, I have been entrenched in my kingdom-um, my house and family, as an official stay at home mom. I promised myself that I'd post more often once I stayed home, so that I could remember all these moments, especially all the laughs because I have hilarious kids, but the truth is that I'm actually busier than I ever was when I worked. Kids need constant attention for the most part. Who would have thought? Just kidding, I've done the stay at home thing before. I know the ropes.
My kids are great. And difficult. And beautiful. I love them so much. I still don't feel like the family is complete and I want another baby very much. I'm getting so much sleep right now(don't get too excited. By so much, I mean that when I finally do fall asleep at night, I actually get to stay that way for like 6 whole hours!!!) and it's hard to think about starting over. But I know that the early days are over with before you know it and as I watch Stella grow into a little girl, I really miss her chubby cheeks and yes, even sleepless nights. I miss rocking her to sleep. I miss the days when she couldn't talk yet and blew bubbles. I sure wish she would learn to go potty like a big girl, but that's another story. I miss the baby stage. I mean, my oldest is already wearing deodorant and talking to his friends on the phone! Maybe someday in the next year or so, we will be blessed with another addition. Only time will tell.
My husband is amazing. I cannot begin to imagine life without him. I really didn't think it was possible to fall in love with the same person more than once. As you know, I have fallen in love with him a couple of times over the years...when we first met, and when we came together again many years later. But lately, I've been seeing him so differently and I appreciate what he does for us so much that he's almost irresistible to me. For a year, he worked the night shift and other weird times and we hardly saw him. He missed holidays and baseball games, and just about everything because he was working or sleeping. It was a really hard year for us both. He felt terrible about missing so much and the kids missed him. I missed him.
He started a new job recently. He works Monday through Friday and I see him so much more. He is happier, has more energy, and has been able to see most of Seth's baseball games. He likes to man the score board. I think it's adorable. I was thinking about what he has gone through to keep food on the table, and to keep me at home which is what we both want for our family, and I'm so grateful. He loves us so much and he works so hard. I'm so very lucky to have a man that cares so much for me. On difficult days, when my children make me want to cry, and nothing is going right, I think about him and what he's accomplished in such a short time, since we've been married, and it gives me the strength to keep going.
When I quit my job, I promised myself that I would be the best stay at home mom ever. I'd volunteer at the school all the time, my house would be spotless, my toddler would be potty trained in a week, and I'd work out every day and only cook the most wholesome meals. I'd walk Seth to school every day and I'd walk him home every day too, just to keep myself exercised and going.
Well, I haven't volunteered at the school yet, my house is generally a mess like you wouldn't believe, and my toddler refuses every effort I have in me to potty train. In fact, yesterday, she threw her panties at me after peeing in them and screamed for a diaper. In fact, the only way she uses the toilet is if she is naked. I mean, I can't cart around a naked child everywhere. I haven't worked out once yet and I've gained back nearly all the weight I lost at the beginning of the year. I try to make wholesome meals, but mostly, I just throw whatever I can find together so we can get out the door for baseball on time. I rarely get up in time to walk Seth to school so I drive him and I still haven't figured out how to work out nap time so that I can actually walk him all the way home.
That's the truth. But you know what? I'm here for my children. I'm here for my husband. I'm doing the best I can and I'm living life. Real, messy, crazy life. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my family, and while I am not perfect and I am not that great at the material things, like a spotless house and a rockin bod, I am good at being me. And I'm good at doing what I love, and that is taking care of my family.