I'm just me

Wow. It's been a while since I posted. Life gets so busy and has a way of passing us by when we aren't looking.

Since the last time I posted, I have been entrenched in my kingdom-um, my house and family, as an official stay at home mom. I promised myself that I'd post more often once I stayed home, so that I could remember all these moments, especially all the laughs because I have hilarious kids, but the truth is that I'm actually busier than I ever was when I worked. Kids need constant attention for the most part. Who would have thought? Just kidding, I've done the stay at home thing before. I know the ropes.

My kids are great. And difficult. And beautiful. I love them so much. I still don't feel like the family is complete and I want another baby very much. I'm getting so much sleep right now(don't get too excited. By so much, I mean that when I finally do fall asleep at night, I actually get to stay that way for like 6 whole hours!!!) and it's hard to think about starting over. But I know that the early days are over with before you know it and as I watch Stella grow into a little girl, I really miss her chubby cheeks and yes, even sleepless nights. I miss rocking her to sleep. I miss the days when she couldn't talk yet and blew bubbles. I sure wish she would learn to go potty like a big girl, but that's another story. I miss the baby stage. I mean, my oldest is already wearing deodorant and talking to his friends on the phone! Maybe someday in the next year or so, we will be blessed with another addition. Only time will tell.

My husband is amazing. I cannot begin to imagine life without him. I really didn't think it was possible to fall in love with the same person more than once. As you know, I have fallen in love with him a couple of times over the years...when we first met, and when we came together again many years later. But lately, I've been seeing him so differently and I appreciate what he does for us so much that he's almost irresistible to me. For a year, he worked the night shift and other weird times and we hardly saw him. He missed holidays and baseball games, and just about everything because he was working or sleeping. It was a really hard year for us both. He felt terrible about missing so much and the kids missed him. I missed him.

He started a new job recently. He works Monday through Friday and I see him so much more. He is happier, has more energy, and has been able to see most of Seth's baseball games. He likes to man the score board. I think it's adorable. I was thinking about what he has gone through to keep food on the table, and to keep me at home which is what we both want for our family, and I'm so grateful. He loves us so much and he works so hard. I'm so very lucky to have a man that cares so much for me. On difficult days, when my children make me want to cry, and nothing is going right, I think about him and what he's accomplished in such a short time, since we've been married, and it gives me the strength to keep going.

When I quit my job, I promised myself that I would be the best stay at home mom ever. I'd volunteer at the school all the time, my house would be spotless, my toddler would be potty trained in a week, and I'd work out every day and only cook the most wholesome meals. I'd walk Seth to school every day and I'd walk him home every day too, just to keep myself exercised and going.

Well, I haven't volunteered at the school yet, my house is generally a mess like you wouldn't believe, and my toddler refuses every effort I have in me to potty train. In fact, yesterday, she threw her panties at me after peeing in them and screamed for a diaper. In fact, the only way she uses the toilet is if she is naked. I mean, I can't cart around a naked child everywhere. I haven't worked out once yet and I've gained back nearly all the weight I lost at the beginning of the year. I try to make wholesome meals, but mostly, I just throw whatever I can find together so we can get out the door for baseball on time. I rarely get up in time to walk Seth to school so I drive him and I still haven't figured out how to work out nap time so that I can actually walk him all the way home.

That's the truth. But you know what? I'm here for my children. I'm here for my husband. I'm doing the best I can and I'm living life. Real, messy, crazy life. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my family, and while I am not perfect and I am not that great at the material things, like a spotless house and a rockin bod, I am good at being me. And I'm good at doing what I love, and that is taking care of my family.

Because you had a bad day

A couple of weeks ago, I had a bad day. I kept hearing Daniel Powter's song playing in my head the whole day long. I struggled with whether or not I would actually share the whole day or not, because the first part is super embarrassing, but now that I think about it, it's pretty funny, and I'm not too shy, so what the hell, right?

I think it was a Monday...that just screams bad day anyway. UGH. Well, after I did my normal payroll duties(pun totally intended and you'll see why) at work, I decided I deserved some lunch. I also decided I didn't have to eat healthy that day and went to Chicken Express. There were no other customers there. There were only about 4 employees. I had to go to the bathroom...and I do mean, I had to go to the bathroom.

As embarrassing as it is, everyone poops. I mean, they do! So, I had to go. I went to the bathroom and did my business. And then, it happened. The toilet wouldn't flush. "Oh shit!"(HA!) ran through my head. I just kept trying to make it work, and it wouldn't. I certainly couldn't go to an employee and say, "Oh, hi! I just pooped in your toilet and it won't flush now. You should totally go look at it!" OMG!!! So, after a conversation with myself about what I should do, I decided that no one would know it was me if the toilet wasn't working, and I left the restroom without telling anyone. However, the lady who was cleaning the tables was staring daggers at me. How did she know???!!! 


I ordered my food and for some stupid reason, decided to stay and eat. All the while, that lady was staring at me. Honestly, I think it was a set up and they totally knew the toilet was broken. UGH. Anywho, I sit down and the cashier goes to the bathroom! Imagine my horror as she comes back out and says something to the scary lady, who then looks at me and says, "She was just in there!" OH.MY.GOSH. I think I probably turned about 20 shades of red and just pretended I didn't notice. But it got worse. Of course it did, do you really think an embarrassing moment like that could get any better? The cashier goes and tells EVERYONE behind the counter that she has to pee but can't because of what's in the toilet and so she's going to the mens room. I have lost my appetite by this point. I got up and asked for a box and left, but not before some more ugly looks from the lady who still seemed to be cleaning the same table.

I finally somewhat recovered from my public humiliation before the day was over and decided to go grocery shopping after I picked up the children. I went to Aldi because I recently discovered they are super cheap and you can get almost everything you need there. I spent a good hour making sure I had everything on my list and a few extras and got in line. It was very busy and I had a full basket. The best part is that my total was only $97!! A FULL basket! Wahoo! Anyway, I go to slide my card and the cashier asks if I want cash back. Nope, I just want to use it as credit. She says they only accept debit. Oh crap! I don't have a pin! Yes, I have a debit card without a pin, and here's why...

We switched to a Credit Union and I got my new card in the mail. Joe's phone number was used to set up the account so when I called to activate my card, it would not let me select a pin since I wasn't calling from that number. I kept forgetting about it and didn't worry about it because you can use credit everywhere, right? Apparently, not at Aldi!

So, here I am feeling really stupid and there are several people in line behind me. I tell the lady I don't have a pin number and she offers to suspend my order while I figure something out. So, I step aside, and call Joe. He tells me to call the number on the back of the card. Meanwhile, I'm starting to sweat(thank you anxiety), and Seth is asking what is going on and Stella is running around in circles being very loud and obnoxious. I finally get through and find out that the number I called is only to report lost and stolen cards. This is a local credit union and there isn't a customer service center. So, since the union is closed by this time, I had no one to talk to. At this point, I'm sweating like crazy and I feel like everyone is staring at me. So, I'm holding Stella's hand while she wiggles and tries to run away and is screaming "MILK!! MOMMY I WANT MY MILK!!!" and this sweet lady walks up and asks if she can help. I just told her no thank you, I'm fine and she said, "Are you sure? Do you need me to pay for your groceries? Because I can do that."

I was shocked! I told her I couldn't possibly let her do that and she told me she had been helped in ways I couldn't imagine and she'd be happy to. I politely declined and she went on her way. I burst into tears at this point. I was just so embarrassed and frazzled and didn't know what else to do. Plus, I was just surprised that there are still such nice people in the world. I told the cashier I would be back for my groceries and apologized for the inconvenience. I drove to Joe's work, crying the whole way.

Stella handed me her shoe(because apparently, this is a great prize!) from the back seat, and said "Mommy, don't cry. It's ok Mommy." And when we parked outside of Joe's work building, Seth came up front and gave me a hug. He then proceeded to tell me a story about a day at school when he didn't have enough lunch money and the cafeteria lady stamped his hand and other kids laughed at him. He said, "Mommy, that was very embarrassing and this can't be as bad as that. You didn't know you needed a debit card and it's not your fault." Gosh, I love my kids. I got Joe's debit and went back to pay for my groceries.

I had to stop at Albertson's because not only was Stella still yelling about milk, but I just needed a drink, and a few other things. So, I got Stella her milk. She was happy. Woohoo! And I got a 6 pack of Woodchuck, only to get to the register and realize my license was in my jacket. Which I obviously didn't have with me. Seriously?!? Could this day get worse?? Luckily, the lady let it slide and luckily for her, I am not a police officer or a TABC officer. Ha ha.

I got home, got the kids fed, started dinner(which I didn't eat until 10:30 pm that night), and had a nice Spring Woodchuck to drink. That day was definitely a bad day.

Oh and guess what I found yesterday? The letter from the credit union with my pin number in it...that came to our house weeks ago. So, I had a pin number the whole time and had no idea. Yep. Such is my life.

Just for shits and giggles, here's the song that was in my head all day.

Where are my keys?

Saturday was St Patrick's Day. My sister in law said it was a requirement for me to join her in celebrating her irish heritage. So, I happily allowed her to secure my MIL as a babysitter for the evening. I always love when she can stay with the kids. They love having time with Grandma and I know she enjoys seeing them as well! I was thrilled to be getting out of the house to hang out with another adult, especially since Joe had been stuck on the night shift for the last week and had to work that night as well.

The day was great, I took the kids to Seth's baseball practice and came home to start getting ready. I got dressed, cooked dinner for my kids, put on makeup, did my hair, accessorized, fed my kids and realized my lipstick was in my purse. In the car. I was 99% ready and just waiting for my sweet MIL. So, I went in the garage to get my purse out of the van. The door was locked. Hmm. I went to the other door. Locked. All doors were locked. I thought about it for a minute and was absolutely sure that I had thrown the keys down in my purse when I pulled into the garage earlier. I had taken Stella upstairs to her bed since she was asleep with the intention to come back and grab my things later.

The panic started to set in. I am supposed to meet my SIL downtown! How can I do that if I have no keys and my car is locked? Even if she came to get me, I couldn't do anything without my money or id which were in my purse. In the car. AH! So, I texted her that I locked my keys in the car. She said I must be kidding. Nope, not kidding. So, I thought, well, Joe has the extra key at work. Maybe if I call MIL before she gets to my house, I can see if she'd swing by and pick up the key! Sadly, she forgot her phone at home. LOL. But when she arrived, she was willing to go pick up the extra key for me. Yay!!

When I had my key, I opened the car and searched my purse and the entire vehicle only to discover that my keys were not actually in the car at all!!! So, they had been inside the house this entire time?! At this point, I was already late, so I just left using the spare key. I thanked my MIL for helping and kissed my kiddies and took off!

And then...I hit the traffic. UGH!!! Every highway in our area is under construction right now. It's so crazy!!! Oh and don't forget the fact that my gas light decided to come on at that moment!!! Another stop to make!
I finally made it downtown and parked in a garage and took the elevator to get down to the street level. I was wearing a rather short dress and luckily I had tights on because the wind happened to blow right at that moment and up went my dress!! Oh yes, many people saw. It was a total Marilyn Monroe moment. The rest of the evening was quite fun and I was grateful for my MIL watching the kiddos.

Oh and the keys? They were in my bathroom under a pile of clothes. How they got there is unclear and I guess I'll never know who pressed the button that locked the car! Ha.

Let me count the ways...

How have I turned into my mother? Let me count the ways...

1. I have shamelessly rolled down my window to yell at children for playing in the street.

2. I fall asleep on the couch often.

3. I say the phrase, "I'm not sleeping. I'm just resting my eyes."

4. I dance around the living room with my kids just to make them happy.

5. I say "Because I'm the mom and I said so."

6. I sometimes sit in the living room without the tv on, in the quiet, for no reason and I enjoy it.

7. I don't mind going anywhere alone anymore.

8. Even sitting in traffic alone is calming to me because I can think.

9. I have an overwhelming urge to correct teenagers when they speak inappropriately in public.

10. I can't stand loud music in retail stores and will avoid those stores like the plague.

11. I'm constantly saying, "Turn it down!" to my husband and son when they watch tv.

12. I give my son big hugs and kisses in front of his friends even though he totally doesn't want me to.

13. Sometimes, when I say things, my husband goes, "Okay Detta." That's my mom's name. LOL

Yes, the older I get, the more like my mom I become. Some people would be mortified. I, however, am honored. Because she is awesome. And I love her.

My house is more fun than yours!

Yesterday, Stella was super hyper. I mean, like running in circles, jumping up and down, screaming hyper. Joe and I were taking turns flipping her over and bouncing her on our laps.

At one point, I got on the floor to play with her. We were "growling" at each other being "scary" as she says. She was laughing hysterically and we had so much fun. Then she wanted to take a ride. So, I got on all fours and she hopped on. Off we went.

Joe didn't want to be left out of this fun and got on the floor with us. We decided we needed to race. And so with Stella on my back, I crawled across the downstairs and Joe crawled on all floors to race me. Fun was had. Laughter was made. It was awesome.

My house is more fun than yours.

Well, I don't know, maybe other people randomly have races on all fours too...

It's a BOY!!!

Joe and I have been discussing adding another fur baby to our family for a while now. And we were saving up money and taking our time really researching breeds and trying to decide if we would adopt or not. If we would get a puppy, or a grown dog, etc, etc. We had decided on a breed(husky) and we even chose a rescue group and had our sights on a particular dog. We just weren't ready yet. And then came Einstein.

Someone abandoned this sweet baby puppy and left him to starve. The security guard at work picked him up and I couldn't leave him. I just had to take him home. His ribs were prominent and it was obvious he needed some love. Joe took him to the vet and we were told he is 6-8 weeks old and a terrier mix. Aside from being underweight, he was in pretty good shape. Joe got him a name tag and his shots and decided we would keep him. Not that I really thought we wouldn't. I was in love the first moment I set my eyes on him.

Einstein is so very sweet and so darn cute. This is my first time to raise a puppy on my own. Daisy was already an adult when we brought her home and very well trained thanks to her amazing previous owners. I won't lie. It is hard. I'm tired. Stella is in a phase where she doesn't want me to put her down or leave her side. She will cry like crazy if I try to put her down to make dinner. Having to deal with that and chase a puppy around to make sure he doesn't eat a shoe or pee on the floor is crazy! But, I know that the puppy phase won't last too long and if I'm consistent, he will learn quickly. At least, that's my hope! He is learning so much, so fast and I am completely smitten. 

Now, last night didn't go so smoothly. My children were less than cooperative and Einstein was very hyper and I was just plain tired. Having a puppy is like having a newborn that can walk and doesn't wear a diaper. It's exhausting. I'll give you a summary of last night using only words that I said...

Let's go outside! Good potty!!!

Do not spit Stella!

Einstein!!! NO!!

Time out Stella!

Einstein! NO!

SETH!!

Don't do that Stella!

Einstein! NO!

SEEEETTHHH!

Stella don't hit the puppy!

Einstein! NO!

SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Stella, Mommy really needs to make dinner.

Einstein! NO!

Daisy, be nice!

Stella time out!

Einstein!! NO!!!

SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

And then I just sat on the couch and gave up. The end. 

But today will be better. 

At least I hope so!

Mommy Mattress

So a lot of people co-sleep. That is, their children sleep in bed with them. Seth co-slept with me for a very long time. When he was first born, I was breast feeding and had an extra bed in his room. We often fell asleep together in that bed during middle of the night feeding sessions. Then, later on, I was a single mother, and we shared a room. He had his own bed, but he preferred to sleep with me, so I happily obliged. When he was close to 3, we moved in with Joe and he had to start sleeping on his own. He still crawled in bed with us often. I won't lie...he still gets in bed with me a lot. If he is scared, if he doesn't feel well, or even just to cuddle, he will crawl in our bed. Joe recently worked the night shift for a very long time, 8 or 9 months I think. Seth slept with me for most of those nights.

Stella, on the other hand, likes her independence when she actually chooses to sleep. She views our bed as a play area and never asks to come to bed with us. Boy do I wish she would because she is not the best sleeper. Quite opposite of her big brother, actually. She sleeps through the night now...sometimes. Even though she is in a toddler bed, she still screams for me to come get her when she wakes, which happens throughout the night and most often before 6 am in the mornings. She does get out of her bed, but she bangs on her bedroom door like a prisoner. BANG BANG BANG!!! "MOMMY!!! COME GET ME MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!! I SCARED!!!!" She also cries hysterically like the world is totally ending. With tears and everything. It's not like she's locked in. At least not every time. Just kidding! I don't lock her in. I guess she hasn't realized that not only could she play with the abundance of toys in her room upon waking, but she could also turn the door knob and play with the over abundance of toys in the play room outside her bedroom! Oh well. On the weekend mornings she wakes at 5 freaking am in the morning, I would love nothing more than to bring her to my bed, where she would then sleep another two hours. This does not ever work. She just starts pinching my face and saying, "Get up! Mommy! Get up!!!" Le sigh.

Recently, she had the flu. She was definitely not feeling well at all because she would frequently fall asleep on my shoulder. She rarely falls asleep randomly anymore. She kept waking up at night and I kept trying to bring her to bed with me, thinking that since she was sick, she would go ahead and sleep. No such luck. She refuses to let me put her down and must be in my arms. She's like some sort super glue. I mean, really, you can try to pry her off of you, but her arms and legs wrap around you and she doesn't budge. Sometimes I just let go to see what will happen and she is still stuck there. I can literally walk around my house not holding on and she will not fall off of me. Sometimes I envision going out in public this way. Oh, hi! Oh this? This is just my extra appendage. Don't worry, it doesn't bite. 

I'm not sure why I torture myself so much. A few nights ago, she woke due to a coughing fit and Joe brought her to me in bed. I was so dead tired that I held onto her. She refuses to lay next to me in bed. She laid right on top of me. I was on my back. She was on her tummy, head on my chest. She did fall asleep, although it was a restless sleep. In which she continued to roll over and over, from tummy to back, never leaving my body. I was kicked and punched in many different unpleasant areas. She continued to huff and puff as if she just was not satisfied with her sleeping arrangement. I tried a few times to put her next to me and failed. Super glue I tell you! I laid there and wondered if she realized she was trying to get comfortable on top of a person. I mean, really? And then I realized, while staring at the ceiling in desperate need of sleep, that if this is how it would be if we co-slept with her, then I am glad we don't.

So, I got up and put her back to bed. And then she woke up an hour later and began banging on her door. And it started all over again. I suppose to her I am just another mattress. Ha.